It's time to go back to Bhopal: The story of Pax and Catherine

This blog is going to tell the story of Pax, my son, and of my return journey to Bhopal, India, where he died on 27th May 1982.

On 7th January 2013, I will be travelling to India to visit Bhopal for the first time since I lost Pax.

The reasons for this visit are obvious to any bereaved parent; the reasons for not going back there for 30 years are much more complex. Some parts of this are too private for a blog, but I hope to share the highlights.

To start the journey, I have to say a few words of thanks.

First of all, for my (second) husband Simon, whose encouragement and practical support is making this journey possible.

Secondly, to Catherine, my daughter. She is as much a part of my life now as she always has been. She too has taken the final journey, dying on 13 April 2012. Yes, I have lost both of my children, and for those who might ask, I have no other children and no grandchildren. The agony of losing both of my children has devastated my life. I miss them both more than I can express. I more or less suppressed my grief for Pax for 29 years; it was only when I lost Catherine that it came out, full force. In a strange way, losing Catherine, I found Pax. They are both my children, both have a part of my heart that nothing and nobody else could fill.

Here's Pax again, age 3, shortly before he died.

And here's Catherine, his little sister, not so long before she died. 

And here they are together in Pune, 1982: