Yesterday I went to a new hairdresser for a badly needed hair trim. We chatted, as you do while hair is trimmed, and in the course of the conversation I told her about our trip to India (the reason why my hair is quite so dried out at the moment) and about Pax. Then, a few minutes later I told her about Catherine. I was very calm and mellow, as I am most of the time these days.
This was progress for me. Let me explain. Before I lost Catherine, my grief about Pax was so suppressed that I rarely mentioned him. I simply didn't know how to begin. After I lost Catherine, that's who I talked about, except for the moments of emotional madness. Then, as time passed and I became calmer, when I would meet and chat with someone on a bus or in the bookshop where I was volunteering, or some other casual encounter, I would mention one or the other, but oh so rarely both, because once they had expressed their sympathy and shock over the untimely death of my child, how could I tell them, well, actually I lost my other child too? I felt bad too put so much sorrow onto one person, but then I felt bad that I hadn't told them about Pax, or about Catherine, whoever was u mentioned. If th
This was progress for me. Let me explain. Before I lost Catherine, my grief about Pax was so suppressed that I rarely mentioned him. I simply didn't know how to begin. After I lost Catherine, that's who I talked about, except for the moments of emotional madness. Then, as time passed and I became calmer, when I would meet and chat with someone on a bus or in the bookshop where I was volunteering, or some other casual encounter, I would mention one or the other, but oh so rarely both, because once they had expressed their sympathy and shock over the untimely death of my child, how could I tell them, well, actually I lost my other child too? I felt bad too put so much sorrow onto one person, but then I felt bad that I hadn't told them about Pax, or about Catherine, whoever was u mentioned. If th
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